Optional Pre-preparation Instructions:
0.1 Have obstructive sleep apnea.
0.2 Undergo maxillomandibular advancement surgery.
0.3 Wait until the second week after surgery, when you’re permitted to consume only liquids.
- Uncap an ample mealshake.
- Roll a paper towel into a tube, long-ways.
- Insert the tube into the Ample.
- Spread the tube into a funnel.
- Release a scoop of protein powder into the funnel.
- Shake the paper towel side-to-side until the powder all falls in.
- Add cold water to the Ample until it’s half-full.
- Recap the Ample and shake it vigorously in multiple positions.
- Return the Ample to upright and tap the bottle to settle the powder at the bottom.
- Open the Ample and fill it with water up to the top of the label.
- Recap the Ample and shake yourself vigorously in multiple positions.
- Drink and enjoy!
(Optional final step: Use the Ample to swallow an antibiotic and two pain pills.)
(For my Millennial Cookbook)
- Trader Joe’s Organic Shells and White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese.
- Videochat with a friend.
- I made it on the stovetop, but the microwave method is also perfectly acceptable. (In both cases, the last step is NOT OPTIONAL).
- I used whole milk and added more than 3 Tbsp. I regret adding more than 3 Tbsp, but would use the whole milk again in a heartbeat.
1. Remove yesterday’s leftover Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup from the fridge.
2. Holding the bowl with two hands, sip soup.
3. Remark how much more delicious this soup would be warm.
4. Wish the friend who’s letting you crash at his place had a microwave.
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 until all the soup is gone.
- Pour Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup into a medium pan*.
Simmer on low heat.
When soup has taken about the right amount of time (it’s a feeling), remove it from the heat and transfer to a bowl**.
Feel with pinky finger to verify it’s cool enough.
Stir with knife to equalize hot spots.
Lift with both hands.
*You may use the same pan you used to make Imagine™ Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
**You may use the same bowl you used to make Imagine™Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
Making the self suffer is a cornerstone of many successful philosophies:
I was prompted to consider this strategy by Conan O’Brien on his podcast with Stephen Colbert. Both Catholics, they described intentionally putting themselves through strife. “I did hairshirt behavior,” Colbert says (34:37).
Conan (36:27): “This is pain… where any normal person would tell you, any therapist would say, ‘This suffering is unnecessary. You achieved nothing with this suffering.”… I put myself through a lot of torture. And here’s the crazy thing: what happens when you do that and then magical things start to happen for you? You can’t see me because it’s a podcast, but Stephen just pointed his finger at me as if to say, ‘You nailed it.’”
Stephen, a few lines later: “It works.”
Conan: “What I hate, I hate… I hate thait it fucking works.”
Stephen: “And the magical thinking magically thinks that magical thinking worked.”
Conan: “It’s the biggest fight I’ve had over the last five years with therapists and friends.” … “Therapists have said, ‘You don’t need the suffering.’ and I 80% believe them and I’m 20% like, ‘what the fuck do you know?'”
Is making yourself suffer a strategy for improving? Does it work? Comments greatly appreciated.
1. Punctuating outside the quotation marks.
E.g.: The man told me, “You ain’t never been to Nashville ’til you been to Graceland”.
I’m still unsure about double-punctuating, e.g. She asked me, “What happened?”. I told her, “Sherol yelled, “Help!”. Open to thoughts.
2. Hyphenating -LY adverb constructions.
E.g.: “The greatly-appreciated man showed the onlookers around his gardens.”
Grammar is for clarity. this exception does not help with clarity.
More to come.