Homeful (Jan 29 2026)

In which Our Hero lands. 

Today… I bought a house! 

A home, to be precise. (It’s an apartment.) 

It’s in New York, a block from Central Park. 

It’s big enough for a family, and gets great light. I’d love to live with roomies 🙂 

Here’s what happened (all numbers are approximate). 

• I arrived at 11:27 for a 12noon closing. 
• From 11:30 to 11:53, my attorney walked me through the financials.
  • One fun exchange:
    • “This was more work than I expected,” he said. “Do you want to increase my fee?” 
    • “No,” I replied. 
    • “Fair enough.” 
  • And another:
    • “I know people,” he told me. “You’re smart. You went to Harvard.” 
    • “I went to Yale,” I replied. “Don’t insult me.” 
    • He laughed. 
• At 11:53, the title company transfer agent arrived. 
• From 11:53 to 12:10, I signed some necessities (her notary book, for instance). 
• From 12:10 to 12:25, we waited. 
• At 12:25, the vice president of the co op board arrived. He brought soup for lunch. 
• From 12:25 to 12:35, the vice president and I signed a few documents. 
• At 12:35, the attorney for the co op arrived. 
• From 12:35 to 12:45, the attorney and the vice president and I signed a few papers. 
• At 12:45, the president of the co op board arrived. 
• From 12:45 to 1, the president signed a few papers. 
• From 1:00 to 1:17, we waited. 
• At 1:17, the lawyer for the bank arrived. 
• From 1:17 to 1:50, I signed 50 documents totalling over 200 pages.
  • Many of the documents requested of me were inaccurate, either procedurally or factually. For example, the bank attorney wanted me to sign a document saying that my ID was correct as written. But he wanted me to sign the document *before* he wrote the details in. I said no: he should write it in, then I sign. And he WROTE IT IN WRONG. 
• At 1:50, we faxed the information to the bank. 
• From 1:50 to 2:10, we waited for confirmation. 
• At 2:55, my attorney’s receptionist suggested I leave. “We’ll call you back if we need anything from you.” 
• At 3:45, I received the confirmation. 

I now own a home. 

Well, technically, the bank owns the home, but they’re going to let me live in it while I pay them back!