Sacre Bleu!
Flight attendants are mostly useless. Sure, in one-in-a-million situations they’re highly trained experts, but in general I don’t need a full-time air servant to bring me water and snacks. And if I did, the ratio is all wrong: one flight attendant per aisle should be sufficient. I view flight attendants the same way I view the TSA: mostly useless, sometimes incredibly helpful, overall a huge waste of money.
Today, my opinion soared to new heights.
Air France flight attendants don’t deliver snacks by hand. They perform the two shift meal service (the first an hour after takeoff; the second an hour before landing). Aside from that, they set up a drink station and a snack station in the stern of the plane so passengers can help themselves to any needed items, while the flight attendants do god-knows-what for the remaining 5hr15min non-meal-service duration.
90 minutes east of Newfoundland, I visited the stern of the aircraft to relieve my bladder and acquire a second (read: fourth) chocolate-covered madeline. The starboard bathroom was full, so I sauntered over to check the port side bathroom. This latter bathroom was not where I expected it to be: a sign saying “Crew Only” labeled that door, with the bathroom itself was farther to the back, closer to at the tail of the plane. I mention these details only because it’s necessary for what happens next:
- I’m standing by the rear of the plane, attempting to overcome a particularly hairy video game boss on my iPad when the Crew Only door opens and a female flight attendant tumbles out She bumps into me, and is immediately followed by a male flight zipping up his trousers. Behind them, I catch a glimpse of the Crew Only room. It is, in fact, a bathroom.
Is this why French flight attendants need the permanent self-serve stations? Otherwise, how would they solve their two patrimonial loves: not working and sex.
I didn’t know Air France hired husband-and-wife teams.
Julian Wise 