Soup / Ham / (Frozen) / Yogurt
- 2 Cans Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
- 1 Cherry Chobani® Greek Yogurt
- 1 Brown Cow® Blueberry Yogurt
- 1 Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
Freeze the Brown Cow® Blueberry Yogurt.
Eat a tube of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
Eat a bunch of tubes of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor.
Open one Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
Tip it back, drinking the broth like a can of beer.
Using a spoon, eat the noodles & chicken straight from the can, no cooking necessary.
Eat a few more tubes of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
Open the second Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
Consume the soup in the same manner you did previously.
Open the Brown Cow® Blueberry yogurt.
Let stand for fifteen minutes, then consume it using the same spoon.
Optional Pre-preparation Instructions:
0.1 Have obstructive sleep apnea.
0.2 Undergo maxillomandibular advancement surgery.
0.3 Wait until the second week after surgery, when you’re permitted to consume only liquids.
- Uncap an ample mealshake.
- Roll a paper towel into a tube, long-ways.
- Insert the tube into the Ample.
- Spread the tube into a funnel.
- Release a scoop of protein powder into the funnel.
- Shake the paper towel side-to-side until the powder all falls in.
- Add cold water to the Ample until it’s half-full.
- Recap the Ample and shake it vigorously in multiple positions.
- Return the Ample to upright and tap the bottle to settle the powder at the bottom.
- Open the Ample and fill it with water up to the top of the label.
- Recap the Ample and shake yourself vigorously in multiple positions.
- Drink and enjoy!
(Optional final step: Use the Ample to swallow an antibiotic and two pain pills.)
(For my Millennial Cookbook)
- Trader Joe’s Organic Shells and White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese.
- Videochat with a friend.
- I made it on the stovetop, but the microwave method is also perfectly acceptable. (In both cases, the last step is NOT OPTIONAL).
- I used whole milk and added more than 3 Tbsp. I regret adding more than 3 Tbsp, but would use the whole milk again in a heartbeat.
- Pour Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup into a medium pan*.
Simmer on low heat.
When soup has taken about the right amount of time (it’s a feeling), remove it from the heat and transfer to a bowl**.
Feel with pinky finger to verify it’s cool enough.
Stir with knife to equalize hot spots.
Lift with both hands.
*You may use the same pan you used to make Imagine™ Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
**You may use the same bowl you used to make Imagine™Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
I’m making a cookbook. It’s called “Real Recipes, Real Author, Fake Chef.” This is the first entry:
Dinner: Couldn’t Afford the Expensive Cow.
- 1 lb of the ground beef once you learn that the steak is $30/lb
- Last week’s kale
- Bertolli Alfredo sauce
- 2 TB Kerrygold butter
- Turn on the stove.
- Dump in half the ground beef. When you can’t find a Tupperware, just tell yourself you’ll finish it soon and put the rest straight in the fridge.
- Add butter. You should have done this earlier.
- Dump in kale.
- Using a spatula, smash all the ingredients together.
- Once the beef is brown, transfer to a bowl.
- Notice you haven’t washed the pan in a week. Grumble that it’s cast iron, so probably requires some weird cleaning steps.
- Wash the pan anyway. Look at you – so clean!
- Drizzle the remainder of the Alfredo sauce from the fridge.