This song is hilarious.
- It’s a German heavy metal cover of the U.S. Bubblegum Pop band that wrote “The Ballroom Blitz.”
- The original song, “Fox on the Run“, tells the story of a man chasing after an attractive woman. The German heavy metal cover, “Fuchs Geh Voran“, describes an actual fox-hunt, like those that happened in Jane Austin’s day.
- The original song is by Sweet, a shortened form of “The Sweetshop”, a place where children receive candy. The German Heavy Metal Band named themselves “Scorpions,” one of the world’s top 5 creepiest animals. And they didn’t choose “The Scorpions,” with a “The” to indicate they’re a band, not actual scorpions. Nor did they choose the singular form, “Scorpion”. No, they wanted fans to imagine multiple creepy crawlies each time their band name is mentioned.
- Heavy metal, fox hunting, and the German language are a great combo. An excerpt of the lyrics: (For full effect, imagine it sung in German, backed by heavy metal music. And if you don’t know German, simply imagine in a heavy German accent.)
Hey, you beautiful animal,
I come and help you,
you are in danger.
Hey, you all just want your fur,
and whoever sells it fast,
yes that’s unfortunately true.
Wir müßen den Fuchs häuten!
The humor has concluded. You may now laugh.
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Optional Pre-preparation Instructions:
0.1 Have obstructive sleep apnea.
0.2 Undergo maxillomandibular advancement surgery.
0.3 Wait until the second week after surgery, when you’re permitted to consume only liquids.
- Uncap an ample mealshake.
- Roll a paper towel into a tube, long-ways.
- Insert the tube into the Ample.
- Spread the tube into a funnel.
- Release a scoop of protein powder into the funnel.
- Shake the paper towel side-to-side until the powder all falls in.
- Add cold water to the Ample until it’s half-full.
- Recap the Ample and shake it vigorously in multiple positions.
- Return the Ample to upright and tap the bottle to settle the powder at the bottom.
- Open the Ample and fill it with water up to the top of the label.
- Recap the Ample and shake yourself vigorously in multiple positions.
- Drink and enjoy!
(Optional final step: Use the Ample to swallow an antibiotic and two pain pills.)
(For my Millennial Cookbook)
- Trader Joe’s Organic Shells and White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese.
- Videochat with a friend.
- I made it on the stovetop, but the microwave method is also perfectly acceptable. (In both cases, the last step is NOT OPTIONAL).
- I used whole milk and added more than 3 Tbsp. I regret adding more than 3 Tbsp, but would use the whole milk again in a heartbeat.
1. Remove yesterday’s leftover Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup from the fridge.
2. Holding the bowl with two hands, sip soup.
3. Remark how much more delicious this soup would be warm.
4. Wish the friend who’s letting you crash at his place had a microwave.
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 until all the soup is gone.
- Pour Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup into a medium pan*.
Simmer on low heat.
When soup has taken about the right amount of time (it’s a feeling), remove it from the heat and transfer to a bowl**.
Feel with pinky finger to verify it’s cool enough.
Stir with knife to equalize hot spots.
Lift with both hands.
*You may use the same pan you used to make Imagine™ Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
**You may use the same bowl you used to make Imagine™Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.