The Heaviest I’ve Ever Been

I stepped on the scale today: 188.4lbs, a new record for personal mass. I showered today, too, for the first time in 11 days. My facial hair and fingernails are growing long. My van is disorganized. I say: LET ‘EM GO. 

I’ve heard of someone “letting themself go.” It typically means, “This person used to be attractive. Now they’re fat.” 

I could hit 200lbs. Perhaps I will.

Is this what happens when I release myself? When I live without restrictions? Instead of eating strict carnivore or low carb, it’s ice cream and pizza and…, oh my!

I could be a bigger man. Right now I’m just a bigger man. 

I worry. I don’t want to fall into a hole I can’t get out of. I don’t think I’m there yet though. And I’m enjoying digging. 

2 thoughts on “The Heaviest I’ve Ever Been”

  1. I love this. I relate to the deep learning one can gain by purposefully falling into the chaotic holes that you know are likely full of darkness and shit, but that you will never truly know of until you exist in them. You’re self-development arch is highly intriguing.

    Like

  2. I love this. I relate to the deep learning one can gain by purposefully falling into the chaotic holes that you know are likely full of darkness and shit, but that you will never truly know that they are or are not of until you exist in them. I believe an understanding of Good and/or Evil and/or Neither and/or Both is best know by personal embodiment of them. Beyond that, doing an exploration of these things via the self in such a public manner is of high virtue, especially for one who has a history of a particularly tumultuous relationship with self-image.

    Your self-development arch is highly intriguing. Looking forward to the next episode in your series.

    Like

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