If everyone’s an asshole… 

If everyone’s an asshole, maybe everyone’s an asshole. 

Since learning the following heuristic, I’ve generally found it to be true: 

• If someone’s an asshole, they’re an asshole. 
• If everyone’s an assole, you’re the assole. 

At 116th st and Lenox, a woman’s tiny chihuahua, hidden behind a scaffolding support, poops. The owner, talking to her friend, begins to cross the street without ever looking back at her dog. Partner tells her, “Your dog pooped.” The woman says, “You wanna pick it up?” 

In the gym 5 minutes later, a woman performs thrusts in front of a cage. “Could you move forward?” She says, “Then I’d be in his way!” 

The gym is mainly open space! Pick any of this! 

45 minutes later, a man throws a dumbbell in anger. He harrangues his friend for not spotting him properly. I feel both alarmed and frightened. Dumbbells are big and heavy. They sometimes cause injury when used properly, let alone when thrown in anger. 

I don’t think I was the asshole today. I either think more assholes were out today or I noticed them more. 

Then again, that’s exactly what an asshole would say.