To win, follow the rules.
Last night, a new friend challenged me to the video game Pong for $100 a game. He’s a brash guy: aggressive, cocksure; the sort of guy who makes new friends by testing their boundaries. I asked if he knew Pong. He declined to answer. I declined the bet.
I offered ping-pong instead, also $100 a game. We’d just played doubles on the same team. I’d seen his game. I suspected I could beat him.
Today, I called him a gambler. He corrected me: he doesn’t gamble, he wagers. Gambling is about uncertainty, luck, and chance. Wagering is about wagers (bets). Ironically, this guy’s given name literally means “randomness.”
I don’t enjoy gambling, either. I’ve liked craps once or twice, playing with someone else’s money, but I haven’t enjoyed gambling since a plastic slot machine at 10 years old. I like playing, and I like winning. I don’t gamble because it’s a losing proposition.
Wagering, though, I do frequently. My rules:
Julian’s rules for wagering
1. Don’t wager more than you’re willing to lose. Self-explanatory.
2. Clearly indicate the stakes and the rules. Most wagers fail on miscommunication. Better clear than confused. State the rules and win conditions up front. Repeat the score and the running tally, frequently. Walk over to the other side of the table if the music is too loud for him to hear you call the score.
3. Get paid. Many wagers fail not from a loss but from a loss of receipt. If you don’t get the money, did you really win?
4. Quit at any time. A different friend doubled the stakes every time he lost, unwilling to stop until he got even. Motivating, sure. But it misreads the value of quitting while you’re behind: the alternative is quitting when you’re further behind.
5. Control your emotions. Anger can make you a better ping-pong player. It can also make you blind to the meta-games. And the meta-games are usually where the money is.
6. You don’t have to earn it back the same way you lost it. When you lose money one way, it’s tempting to win it back the same way. But funds are fungible. If you lose at ping-pong but win at poker, you can stop playing ping-pong. Lean into your comparative advantages: specialize and trade.
Games Played:
I flew out of Chicago Midway today. The metal detector beeped. The agent told me this meant I’d been “randomly selected” for extra screening. I asked if that meant the body scanner. She said yes. I told her I’d opt out. She told me to take off my shoes and run them through, then asked if I’d go through the scanner now. I said no (did she really think removing my shoes would change my opinion?). She summoned a male agent. He asked me to point out my property. I said, “My partner has it.” (She’d known the game was on the second I got flagged. She was capping my downside to enable me to play.) “All of it?” he asked. Yes. He walked me to a separate lane. I asked how long he’d been a TSA agent. “Since there’s been a TSA.” He started the spiel: “Any sensitive areas, any painful areas?” And then, hot damn, was this guy thorough. As he ran his hands up and down my midriff, Partner made a cupping motion on one of her breasts, seemingly indicating what the agent was soon to do to me.
After the free massage, I returned to Partner with a new glow.
Julian Wise 