Introducing my joke-cookbook

I’m making a cookbook. It’s called “Real Recipes, Real Author, Fake Chef.” This is the first entry:


Dinner: Couldn’t Afford the Expensive Cow.


  • 1 lb of the ground beef once you learn that the steak is $30/lb
  • Last week’s kale
  • Bertolli Alfredo sauce
  • 2 TB Kerrygold butter



  1. Turn on the stove.
  2. Dump in half the ground beef. When you can’t find a Tupperware, just tell yourself you’ll finish it soon and put the rest straight in the fridge.
  3. Add butter. You should have done this earlier.
  4. Dump in kale.
  5. Using a spatula, smash all the ingredients together.
  6. Once the beef is brown, transfer to a bowl.
  7. Notice you haven’t washed the pan in a week. Grumble that it’s cast iron, so probably requires some weird cleaning steps.
  8. Wash the pan anyway. Look at you – so clean!
  9. Drizzle the remainder of the Alfredo sauce from the fridge.
  10. Enjoy!


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