Introducing my joke-cookbook

I’m making a cookbook. It’s called “Real Recipes, Real Author, Fake Chef.” This is the first entry:

Dinner: Couldn’t Afford the Expensive Cow.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb of the ground beef once you learn that the steak is $30/lb
• Last week’s kale
• Bertolli Alfredo sauce
• 2 TB Kerrygold butter

Instructions:

1. Turn on the stove.
2. Dump in half the ground beef. When you can’t find a Tupperware, just tell yourself you’ll finish it soon and put the rest straight in the fridge.
3. Add butter. You should have done this earlier.
4. Dump in kale.
5. Using a spatula, smash all the ingredients together.
6. Once the beef is brown, transfer to a bowl.
7. Notice you haven’t washed the pan in a week. Grumble that it’s cast iron, so probably requires some weird cleaning steps.
8. Wash the pan anyway. Look at you – so clean!
9. Drizzle the remainder of the Alfredo sauce from the fridge.
10. Enjoy!