Optional Pre-preparation Instructions:
0.1 Have obstructive sleep apnea.
0.2 Undergo maxillomandibular advancement surgery.
0.3 Wait until the second week after surgery, when you’re permitted to consume only liquids.
- Uncap an ample mealshake.
- Roll a paper towel into a tube, long-ways.
- Insert the tube into the Ample.
- Spread the tube into a funnel.
- Release a scoop of protein powder into the funnel.
- Shake the paper towel side-to-side until the powder all falls in.
- Add cold water to the Ample until it’s half-full.
- Recap the Ample and shake it vigorously in multiple positions.
- Return the Ample to upright and tap the bottle to settle the powder at the bottom.
- Open the Ample and fill it with water up to the top of the label.
- Recap the Ample and shake yourself vigorously in multiple positions.
- Drink and enjoy!
(Optional final step: Use the Ample to swallow an antibiotic and two pain pills.)
(For my Millennial Cookbook)
- Trader Joe’s Organic Shells and White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese.
- Videochat with a friend.
- I made it on the stovetop, but the microwave method is also perfectly acceptable. (In both cases, the last step is NOT OPTIONAL).
- I used whole milk and added more than 3 Tbsp. I regret adding more than 3 Tbsp, but would use the whole milk again in a heartbeat.
1. Remove yesterday’s leftover Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup from the fridge.
2. Holding the bowl with two hands, sip soup.
3. Remark how much more delicious this soup would be warm.
4. Wish the friend who’s letting you crash at his place had a microwave.
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 until all the soup is gone.
- Pour Imagine™ Broccoli Creamy Soup into a medium pan*.
Simmer on low heat.
When soup has taken about the right amount of time (it’s a feeling), remove it from the heat and transfer to a bowl**.
Feel with pinky finger to verify it’s cool enough.
Stir with knife to equalize hot spots.
Lift with both hands.
*You may use the same pan you used to make Imagine™ Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
**You may use the same bowl you used to make Imagine™Portobello Mushroom Creamy Soup this afternoon.
I’m making a cookbook. It’s called “Real Recipes, Real Author, Fake Chef.” This is the first entry:
Dinner: Couldn’t Afford the Expensive Cow.
- 1 lb of the ground beef once you learn that the steak is $30/lb
- Last week’s kale
- Bertolli Alfredo sauce
- 2 TB Kerrygold butter
- Turn on the stove.
- Dump in half the ground beef. When you can’t find a Tupperware, just tell yourself you’ll finish it soon and put the rest straight in the fridge.
- Add butter. You should have done this earlier.
- Dump in kale.
- Using a spatula, smash all the ingredients together.
- Once the beef is brown, transfer to a bowl.
- Notice you haven’t washed the pan in a week. Grumble that it’s cast iron, so probably requires some weird cleaning steps.
- Wash the pan anyway. Look at you – so clean!
- Drizzle the remainder of the Alfredo sauce from the fridge.