Tag: Cooking

Travelog 191023 (Redacted Version)

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Start: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

End: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “Even god couldn’t take the Israelites into the promised land. [It means], ‘you can’t get people to do things they don’t want to do.’” -[Redacted]. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Made poached & scrambled eggs using my sous vide machine. Delicious!
  • Ate ham & pepperjack & mayo roll-ups. Yum! 

Real Realizations: 

  • Hourly work that’s scheduled every day [redacted] is GREAT. I could do this for 6 months [redacted]! This must be what it’s like to have a job. Except BETTER! 
  • In school, teachers train you to wait until the last minute to do things (because they change the requirements so often). Turns out this is actually GREAT training for the real world [redacted]!
  • When you care about someone (and ask questions accordingly), they think you’re down to earth. 
  • People like people who care about them. If you stay in control and focus on them, you can get anyone to like you. 

[Redacted]

Exciting Events: 

  • Wrote a new recipe for my cookbook.
  • Talked with [redacted] for a while.
    • Smoked a cigarillo together. 
    • Discussed our old highschool passions. 
  • Phone call with [redacted]. 
    • Just joked around a bunch. 
  • Phone call with [redacted]. 
    • Talked about serious stuff. And our [redacted]. 
  • Worked on [redacted] for 5 hours. Made [redacted]. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Traveling to New Orleans. Seeing [redacted] & his crazy parties.  

Travel Log 191018 (Redacted Version)

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Start: [Redacted]’s house, South Austin, TX

End: [Redacted]’s [redacted], [redacted], Austin TX. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Sous vided two steaks for [redacted] and myself; seared it at the end. Was DELISH. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “I can’t even spell API.” – Me, making a joke after someone asks if I can help them get an API key. 
  • “Your bathroom does a great job of making people uncomfortable while they pee.” -Me, to [redacted]. 

Real Realizations: 

  • While scritching & belly-rubbing Simba ([redacted]’s cat) and sitting between him & Smidge, the feeling that I’m precisely where I’m supposed to be. 

Exciting Events: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted]. [Redacted] fun. She [redacted]. Feels like I won. 
    • [Redacted]. I don’t mind, hey 🙂  
  • Worked on [redacted] for 2+ hours. Tried to get in touch with [redacted], presumably to discuss [redacted]. 
    • Decided my strategy in that conversation: 
      • 1. [Redacted]. Ask if we can re-approach [redacted] in the next quarter [redacted]. 
      • 2. [Redacted] in a graduated fashion. [Redacted]. 
      • 3. [Redacted]
  • Cuddled with [redacted]. It gave me the feels. 
    • Probably the first time someone’s asked me. “Can I kiss you?”. It was ADORABLE. Really cute. Loved it. 
    • Kissed [redacted] back, our second time. Felt too much, like [redacted] felt uncomfortable being not-in-control. If we kiss again, I’ll make sure [redacted] feels safe. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Yard sale tomorrow? I LOVE yard sales! 

Travel Log 191017 (Redacted Version)

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Start: Guest Room in [redacted]’s house, Austin, TX

End: [Redacted]’s house, South Austin, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Sous vided a steak for [redacted] and myself; seared it at the end. Was TO DIE FOR. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “Is the opposite of ‘pee-shy’ ‘pee-proud’? ‘Cause I’m pee-proud.” -Me 

Real Realizations: 

  • It’s not how fast you move; it’s hitting all the right steps. Some steps take time. Others can zoom. 
  • I don’t want to [redacted]. That would be complex. Complex is bad. 

Exciting Events: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted]. Very comfortable very fast. [Redacted]. 
    • [Redacted] made a funny face. I teased her [redacted]. 
  • Completed much work, including over an hour for [redacted]. 
  • Got lost on a walk with Smidge. If you plan to turn right at each chance you get, you can retrace by making each left. This only works if you don’t find a cool path that you decide to take, because, “Look! A cool path!” 
    • Called [redacted] via Apple Watch, for directions when lost. Grateful he helped. He’s a good friend.
  • Chatted with [redacted] about his life & his work. Suggested he get a sleep doc, do a sleep study, reshape his life. 
  • Texted [redacted] that I loved our chat last week. That was delightful. She called back, too. 
  • Texted [redacted] that I wasn’t happy [redacted]. Just not the relationship I want to have. She said, “all good” and “no skin off my back” (paraphrased). “Still,” I said, “Wanted you to know.” 
  • Wrote a very good section for my [redacted] story. Very, very good. About [redacted]. 
  • Cleared out my notebook from Myschevia. Notes moved, friends made!

Alluring Activities: 

  • [Redacted] tomorrow with [redacted]?!?!?!

Burrata & Salami on Lap

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IMG_7053

Ingredients:

  • Burrata
  • Salami (sliced)
  • A second salami (unsliced)
  • Gluttonous attitude

Preparation Instructions:

  1. Stop at a grocery store en route to the gym.
  2. Find the burrata cheese.
  3. Consider buying two burratas.
  4. Notice there’s a sale.Buy three, and tack on a package of salami for good measure. IMG_7054

Consumption instructions:

  1. When opening the burrata, be careful not to spill any of the salt water. (This will be important later.)
  2. Open the package of salami.
  3. Slice off bits of the burrata using the plastic fork.
  4. Add burrata to salami and consume.
  5. Retrieve from your fridge the rosemary salami you recently purchased at a farmer’s market.
  6. Slice off bits of the salami with a knife.
  7. Add burrata to salami and consume.
  8. When the burrata is gone, drink the milky salt watery goodness. (I told you it would be important).
  9. Use a fork to remove the small delicious curds from the bottom of the bowl.
  10. Eat a second burrata, because you lifted weights today.
  11. Be glad you purchased three.

A morsel of delight.
Salty milky goodness.
Curds of joy.

Salty milky goodness.
Curds of joy.

Did you enjoy this post? Want me to consume a specific food? Comment on this article so I know what you want me to write.  

Sham (Fro)gurt

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Soup / Ham / (Frozen) / Yogurt
Ingredients:
  • 2 Cans Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
  • 1 Cherry Chobani® Greek Yogurt
  • 1 Brown Cow® Blueberry Yogurt
  • 1 Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
Instructions:
  1. Freeze the Brown Cow® Blueberry Yogurt.
  2. Eat a tube of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
  3. Eat a bunch of tubes of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor.
  4. Open one Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
  5. Tip it back, drinking the broth like a can of beer.
  6. Using a spoon, eat the noodles & chicken straight from the can, no cooking necessary.
  7. Eat a few more tubes of Oscar Meyer DeliFresh Honey Uncured Ham with Now Better Honey Flavor
  8. Open the second Campbell’s® Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup
  9. Consume the soup in the same manner you did previously.
  10. Open the Brown Cow® Blueberry yogurt.
  11. Let stand for fifteen minutes, then consume it using the same spoon. 0.0.0. Evernote Snapshot 20190402 035851

Yo BTB! (Bearded Tomato Bisque) 

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Ingredients:
  • 7 tins Yogurt, in any flavor (Note: individually-wrapped tins of cottage cheese are also acceptable, but only if they have fruit on the bottom. For this meal, I used 4 yogurt, 3 cottage cheese.)
  • 1 can Campbell’s® Tomato Bisque
Instructions:
  1. Grow a beard.
  2. Eat 6 Yogurts.
  3. Remove lid from the Campbell’s® Tomato Bisque.
  4. Sip half the Campbell’s® Tomato Bisque.
  5. Eat the final Yogurt.
  6. Sip the rest of the Bisque.
  7. Fall asleep in your van.
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Campbell’s® Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup

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0.jpeg

Ingredients:

  • Can of Campbell’s® Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup
  • Water
  • Soup Pot (I didn’t clean mine after making Campbell’s® Cream of Bacon Soup the day before, but a clean pot will do just fine.)
  • Spoon

Instructions:

  1. Mix soup + 1 can water
  2. Read back of can, where it says, “Stove: Heat, stirring occasionally.” Evernote Snapshot 20190316 212851.jpg
  3. Follow those instructions.
  4. Pour soup into the largest mug you can find. The noodles will remain behind.
  5. Add two ice cubes. Sip until gone.
  6. Transfer the noodles to the mug.
  7. Slurp until gone.

Ample Protein 

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Ingredients:

Optional Pre-preparation Instructions:

0.1 Have obstructive sleep apnea.

0.2 Undergo maxillomandibular advancement surgery.

0.3 Wait until the second week after surgery, when you’re permitted to consume only liquids.

Necessary Instructions:

  1. Uncap an ample mealshake.
  2. Roll a paper towel into a tube, long-ways.
  3. Insert the tube into the Ample.2.jpeg
  4. Spread the tube into a funnel.
  5. Release a scoop of protein powder into the funnel.
  6. Shake the paper towel side-to-side until the powder all falls in.
  7. Add cold water to the Ample until it’s half-full.
  8. Recap the Ample and shake it vigorously in multiple positions.
  9. Return the Ample to upright and tap the bottle to settle the powder at the bottom.
  10. Open the Ample and fill it with water up to the top of the label.
  11. Recap the Ample and shake yourself vigorously in multiple positions.
  12. Drink and enjoy!

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(Optional final step: Use the Ample to swallow an antibiotic and two pain pills.) 

Mac & Cheese.

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(For my Millennial Cookbook)

Ingredients:

  • Trader Joe’s Organic Shells and White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese.
  • Milk.
  • Butter.

Evernote Snapshot 20190308 175308

Instructions:*

  1. Videochat with a friend.
  2. Evernote Snapshot 20190308 175656
*Notes:
  • I made it on the stovetop, but the microwave method is also perfectly acceptable. (In both cases, the last step is NOT OPTIONAL).
  • I used whole milk and added more than 3 Tbsp. I regret adding more than 3 Tbsp, but would use the whole milk again in a heartbeat.

Documentation:

Evernote Snapshot 20190308 175308

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