A Step-By-Step Description of How I Edit for Flow

One of my clients was impressed by an edit. We then shared this delightful exchange:

Them: `How did you edit this section to make the article flow better?` 

Me: `I can use any information to prove any point.` 

Them: `That’s scary.` 

Me: `I know. That’s why I don’t work for Philip Morris.`

I then described my process. Here’s that walk-through:

You expressed curiosity about how how I solved the “disjointed” problem. I mused on my approach a bit and can better articulate it in writing here. It’s somewhat of an engineering approach… I think… (I have never done engineering outside of that one time I built a shelf):

  1. What are our aims? What are our problems?
    1. The two sections feel disjointed. We want them to feel connected smoothly.
    2. The comment _______ made has interesting info–let’s find a way to include it. 
  2. Implicit step: What are our requirements? What are our constraints?
    1. We’re constrained by our medium, so “published on the web” (Writing, web formatting (especially headings & subheadings), hyperlinking, bulletpoints, and pics/drawings are the big ones.)
      1. Meta: I don’t think about this so much consciously any more. Not for this medium, at least (for other media, yes!). There was a time, however, when I thought obsessively about “what are the constraints of the written-for-web medium?”, which was super formative in becoming facile with the tools. (The biggest one that people mess up in this medium is headings and subheadings. It’s like a table of contents to guide you while reading! Who doesn’t appreciate an easy-to-use map?)
  3. Structure the content to achieve the goal.
    1. ________’s comment had very interesting info, albeit some of it was framed off-topic-ly. However, everything can be on-topic in one sentence or less. 
      1. This is kinda a cool idea. I think of it as “bridging” because that’s how I was taught: you find a relevant trait of topic A, highlight that piece, bridge to a similar nugget in topic B, and then go to point B. This parallels the way our brains process language: we fire neurons in clusters around each word. So, to go from “Sheep” to “cloud”, one could use “white” or “fluffy”. These are trivial examples, but the concept stays the same: From my dog to Trump could be The Adorable Smidgen -> Chihuahua -> Mexican wall -> Trump. You get better at it over time, finding the shorter (and in the case of logic/business, actually relevant) paths. (That said, in persuasion, you don’t even need relevance! Crazy concept that’s super scary when you think about it…)
    2. In this case, we had a starting point (the paragraph before) and an end to get to (the next section). We also had the content of the middle bit (which I got by breaking ________’s points into their constituent pieces). Now use the technique “bridging” and the thing structures itself! It naturally lends itself to an order… the one that links most logically!
  4. Make the new text as short as possible while still being easily readable.
    1. Good writing is short. Good nonfiction, especially. For me, this comes from a concatenation of “aims” and “medium constraints”–we want to give the reader the most value for their effort/time. It also aligns with standard writer wisdom that “shorter is better” (and, I suppose, the simple economic notion that wasting resources is bad).
    2. The easier an article is to digest, the more readers will value it (i.e. there will be more economic surplus since it took them less time). 

I don’t always think about these pieces consciously. Some are now gut instinct (like “eliminate the maximum number of words”). Others are more well-defined and intentional, like the order in which I do each step in my writing process.

^I hope this is interesting! You expressed curiosity; thought you might find it cool! Feel free to poke if anything interests you. (I’m always a sucker for writing about my process. For some wonderful reason, it’s one way I improve… 🙂

Travelog Thursday 191031 (Redacted version)

Start: Parked outside [redacted], New Orleans, Louisiana. 

End: sleeping in [redacted], New Orleans, Louisiana. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Wandered around New Orleans dressed in a couple’s costume: I was Draco Malfoy & Smidge was Dobby the House Elf. 
    • Drunk wandering is just as pointless as I remember. Trying to find that friend, avoiding places with covers, etc. 

  • Felt twice like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. 
    • When [redacted] and I were playing connect 4 as the night was coming to a close.
    • Wandering down Bourbon street sipping a delightfully fruity daiquiri.
  • Talked through [redacted]’s life goals and how he should choose a career by ability, not passion. 
  • Did two [redacted]. 
  • Phone with [redacted] to tell her I [redacted]. 

Real Realizations: 

  • People are the same everywhere. The difference is interests, topics, opportunities. Same people, tho. 
  • Sleep deprivation keeps people wired and happy. 
  • I don’t enjoy dressing up for Halloween. Too much effort, too little value. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “I’m gonna be a cow.” -[redacted]. 
  • “The first thing to attack in your enemy is their communications.” -[redacted]. 
    • I like this quote for its wide-ranging reach. Whether playing chess or in war with a country, the first thing to destroy is their ability to think. You knock out that ability by knocking out communications—between them and another or within one, itself. 

Commonplace occurrences: 

  • Work for [redacted]. 
  • Did [redacted]’s dishes. What a gift. 

Disappointing doldrums: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted] feels oddly fractured again. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Cooked a steak and sweet potatoes for [redacted] & me. 
  • Chicken tenders at dinner. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Hanging with [redacted]. 
  • Sleeping late. 

Travelog Tuesday 191029 (Redacted Version)

Start: [Redacted], New Orleans, Louisiana. 

End: Parked outside the New Orleans African American Museum, Governor Nicholl’s Street, New Orleans, Louisiana

Exciting Events: 

  • None to speak of. 

Real Realizations: 

  • All the thoughts that bubbled up as part of watching the comedy special Nanette. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • This dialog:
    • Me: “I’m doing a couples costume with my dog: I’m Lucius Malfoy and she’s Dobby the House Elf.” 
    • [Redacted] (Former college classmate): “That sounds exploitative.”
    • Me: “Yeah, I’ll have to watch out for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.”

Commonplace occurrences: 

  • Vaguely disappointing [redacted]. 
  • A bit of [redacted] work. 

Disappointing doldrums: 

  • Didn’t love [redacted]. Enjoyed talking [redacted] though. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Pizza & fettuccine in New Orleans again.
  • Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.  

Alluring Activities: 

  • Work.
  • Date with [redacted]. 
  • My death ceremony. 
  • Getting out of New Orleans. 

Travelog 191026 (Redacted Version)

Start: Parked on the corner of Marias & Governor Nicholls St, in the Tremé district of New Orleans, Louisiana. 

End: Parked on the corner of Marias & Governor Nicholls St, in the Tremé district of New Orleans, Louisiana.

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “Have you ever had a New Orleans sweet potato? You don’t have to add anything. They come out the ground sweet.” -[Redacted], my waiter at Willie Mae’s Scotch House. 
  • “I wonder if a Chihuahua with Parkinson’s just doesn’t move.” -Me. 
  • “People in New Orleans all get along. If you come to New Orleans and you can’t get along with anybody, there’s something wrong with you.” -[Redacted], my Uber driver. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Awoke at 1pm. My first Day in New Orleans and I was out til 5am… 
  • Wrote a reply to [redacted] letter. 
  • Ate incredible soul food in the Tremé district. 
  • I asked an Uber driver how the city is different after Katrina. He said “it’s not.” And pointed to a pothole that’s been here since before the storm. He evidently isn’t impressed by any political change. 
  • [Redacted]’s after-party
    • Apropos of nothing, a man [redacted] on the couch next to me, 
    • I ask a woman why she spends time around these people. She says, (paraphrase) “because all the women tell me I’m beautiful.” 
  • Halloween party with intense [redacted] demonstrations (like [redacted]), where the band played Pink Floyd for an hour. 
  • Video call with [redacted] both right before he went to bed (my 9pm) and right after he woke up the next day (my 5am). 

Real Realizations: 

  • The people I’ve met here live to party. It’s cheap and exciting and pacifying and hollow. 
  • I’ve been [redacted] but all of it feels empty [redacted]. 

Commonplace occurrences: 

  • Completed [redacted] outline: another [redacted]. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Fried chicken and sweet potato fries at Willie Mae’s Scotch House, New Orleans. 

  • The best chicken tenders of my life, at Key’s Fuel (the gas station near my friend’s house). 
  • All That Jazz sandwich: ham, turkey, cheese, shrimp, mushrooms, and a white sauce. So good! Shockingly so! I expected it to be weird from the shrimp but it was not.
    • Everything I’ve eaten in New Orleans has been delicious. 

[Redacted]

Alluring Activities: 

  • Afterparty with [redacted] tonite. Do I go? It only starts at 2am… 

Travel Log 191025 (Redacted Version)

Start: Parked on a public street outside Walmart, West Houston, TX 

End: Parked on the corner of Marias & Governor Nicholls St, in the Tremé district of New Orleans, Louisiana. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Went to a vampire masquerade party, last minute, on a whim. 
    • Carried a mermaid, because it was having trouble traveling on its own (the feet-together tail-hop was ineffective). 

  • [Redacted]
    • [Redacted]
  • [Redacted], Smidge used her pee pad! Yay! No pee on my bed! 

Real Realizations: 

  • Partiers go [redacted] HARD here. 
  • People in New Orleans put serious effort into their costumes. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “It is moister than an oyster.” – partygoer, on the copious amounts of rain. 

Commonplace occurrences:

  • Worked for two hours. [Redacted]. Yay! 
  • Phone calls with lotsa friends.
  • Watched the first four episodes of the final season of Bojack Horseman. 
  • Floofed Smidge in delight. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • A brisket-stuffed burger. Yum! 
    • The Louisianan cashier asked where I was from. I told him to guess. He guessed Australia. 
  • A [redacted] 4am slice of cheese pizza. SO GOOD. 

[Redacted]


Alluring Activities: 

  • Crazy New Orleans happenings! 
  • Letter to [redacted]. 
  • Outline to the [redacted] guys. 

New Orleans Would Agree If It Ever Came Home

On a cold Sunday night with my van heater blasting and a bit of white wine still seeping from my blood, I don’t feel misplaced. Not in the wrong place. Just alone, lonely, sad, and wanting. Maybe that’s this place.

The thing about travel? They don’t tell you it’s lonely. “An adventure of excitement and eye-opening growth.”

Yes, that’s travel. But it’s lonely, too.

It’s me and my dog, one month in our roadtrip. Atlanta, then Texas, now in New Orleans. Friends—some great friends—we met along the way. Yet still it’s just us— me and my dog.

Last night, out til 5, surrounded by parties, I made two new friends that I’m now gonna see. Interesting people with lives and opinions. Better than that, unique, fun, funny, too.

But now, when it’s late, and my sleep schedule’s fucked, I see why someone would get drunk again. Then it’s tomorrow. Who knows what could happen? Who wouldn’t have fun at a New Orleans club?

That’s not a solution. That’s open containers. Vessels transporting liquid from one place to place. People vibrating where they stand, moving forward only in time. Bleary, wide-eyed blobs drink to replace their cold sweat.

Why has this city not changed since Katrina? Why did my cabbie say there’s really no dif?

If you spend your life dancing, you’ve nothing to celebrate. That’s what this is: just an empty, wet kiss. But not one from your grandma or a dog or a lover. Just tongue from someone who, right now, like you, feels alone. Together will be great for the time that it’s lasting, but morning will come and you’ll have to go home.

Travel Log 191020 (Redacted Version)

Start: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

End: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Lindor Lindt White Chocolate Truffles. ALMOST A WHOLE BAG. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “How good it is to have something it’s so hard to say goodbye to.” -Winnie The Pooh 

Real Realizations: 

  • Rules of the game “Freelancer”: 
    • The goal of the game is to win. You win by making the most amount of money in the least amount of time. That metric is called “hourly rate.” Increase it as much as possible. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Walked Smidge when I was all grumpy-like.
  • Performed two user experience tests for [redacted]: one each on [redacted]. 
    • Very fun process! Much more fun than I’d feared. 
  • Video chatted with [redacted] for two hours! 😄  
    • He recently attended a thanksgiving party at which he listed three things he’s grateful for. One of them was me! 
      • He really enjoys being able to sit with me in comfortable silence. Me too. And I want to become even more comfortable with him! 
    • I regaled him with stories of Myschevia and my other recent escapades. More than once, he was surprised; nay, shocked!
  • Bought [redacted] a succulent plant. 
  • [Redacted] returned from the renaissance faire.
    • They [redacted]. No wonder [redacted]! 
  • Walked Smidge again, just after it rained. It was wonderful! 
  • Teased [redacted] a bit. They said it was too much. I apologized. 
    • [Redacted]. 
    • Also, however, [redacted]. 
  • Played Slime Volleyball with [redacted]. Such a fun game. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • [Redacted] review tomorrow. 
  • Call with [redacted] tomorrow to discuss my hourly rate.

Travel Log 191018 (Redacted Version)

Start: [Redacted]’s house, South Austin, TX

End: [Redacted]’s [redacted], [redacted], Austin TX. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Sous vided two steaks for [redacted] and myself; seared it at the end. Was DELISH. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “I can’t even spell API.” – Me, making a joke after someone asks if I can help them get an API key. 
  • “Your bathroom does a great job of making people uncomfortable while they pee.” -Me, to [redacted]. 

Real Realizations: 

  • While scritching & belly-rubbing Simba ([redacted]’s cat) and sitting between him & Smidge, the feeling that I’m precisely where I’m supposed to be. 

Exciting Events: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted]. [Redacted] fun. She [redacted]. Feels like I won. 
    • [Redacted]. I don’t mind, hey 🙂  
  • Worked on [redacted] for 2+ hours. Tried to get in touch with [redacted], presumably to discuss [redacted]. 
    • Decided my strategy in that conversation: 
      • 1. [Redacted]. Ask if we can re-approach [redacted] in the next quarter [redacted]. 
      • 2. [Redacted] in a graduated fashion. [Redacted]. 
      • 3. [Redacted]
  • Cuddled with [redacted]. It gave me the feels. 
    • Probably the first time someone’s asked me. “Can I kiss you?”. It was ADORABLE. Really cute. Loved it. 
    • Kissed [redacted] back, our second time. Felt too much, like [redacted] felt uncomfortable being not-in-control. If we kiss again, I’ll make sure [redacted] feels safe. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Yard sale tomorrow? I LOVE yard sales! 

Travel Log 191017 (Redacted Version)

Start: Guest Room in [redacted]’s house, Austin, TX

End: [Redacted]’s house, South Austin, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Sous vided a steak for [redacted] and myself; seared it at the end. Was TO DIE FOR. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “Is the opposite of ‘pee-shy’ ‘pee-proud’? ‘Cause I’m pee-proud.” -Me 

Real Realizations: 

  • It’s not how fast you move; it’s hitting all the right steps. Some steps take time. Others can zoom. 
  • I don’t want to [redacted]. That would be complex. Complex is bad. 

Exciting Events: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted]. Very comfortable very fast. [Redacted]. 
    • [Redacted] made a funny face. I teased her [redacted]. 
  • Completed much work, including over an hour for [redacted]. 
  • Got lost on a walk with Smidge. If you plan to turn right at each chance you get, you can retrace by making each left. This only works if you don’t find a cool path that you decide to take, because, “Look! A cool path!” 
    • Called [redacted] via Apple Watch, for directions when lost. Grateful he helped. He’s a good friend.
  • Chatted with [redacted] about his life & his work. Suggested he get a sleep doc, do a sleep study, reshape his life. 
  • Texted [redacted] that I loved our chat last week. That was delightful. She called back, too. 
  • Texted [redacted] that I wasn’t happy [redacted]. Just not the relationship I want to have. She said, “all good” and “no skin off my back” (paraphrased). “Still,” I said, “Wanted you to know.” 
  • Wrote a very good section for my [redacted] story. Very, very good. About [redacted]. 
  • Cleared out my notebook from Myschevia. Notes moved, friends made!

Alluring Activities: 

  • [Redacted] tomorrow with [redacted]?!?!?!

Travel Log 191015 (Redacted Version)

Start: Outside the Town Square, Downtown Hughes Springs, TX

End: Outside E Bar Tex-Mex Restaurant, Dallas, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Fajita Nachos at E Bar Tex-Mex Restaurant, Dallas, TX

Real Realizations: 

  • Someone with no respect for truth will always be lonely, for they live in a world of one.

Exciting Events: 

  • Walked Smidge through downtown Hughes Springs. She pooped a massive amount today. 
  • Picked up a letter from [redacted]. I love letters, especially from [redacted]. I’m elated to read & reply. 
  • In the McDonald’s Parking Lot (while I squatted their WiFi), someone knocked on my van. I assumed it was the McDonald’s manager, telling me to move along. While it was the manager, they were actually knocking to inform me my lights were on. 
  • Worked on [redacted] for ~three hours. Good work, [redacted].
  • [Redacted]. 
  • Cleared email inbox entirely. (From 75+ emails to 0.) 
  • Dinner with [redacted] from the Myschevia festival. Surprised [redacted], as I’d been thinking about it all day. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Texas State Fair tomorrow?!?!?! Drive to Austin?!?! Only time will tell!