Sure, we don’t play soccer. But could we please play better?
Today’s U.S. World Cup Soccer game was an embarrassment. Soccer has a few cardinal rules, including:
- Shoot your penalty kicks at the goal.
- Do not kick the ball into your own goal.
- Do not cross the ball in front of your own goal.
- If you are a keeper, do not leave the net unattended such that an opponent can simply kick the ball into the goal.
On one hand, maybe we should celebrate the US Men’s National team only violating one of these cardinal rules? (Rule number 4: Belgium goal at minute 57). On the other hand, their terrible performance does nominate two new rules:
- If you are over 13 years old, your defense cannot amount to “freeze and hope that the other team was offside” (Belgium goal at minute 9).
- If you are a defender, do not pass the ball to your opponent… twice (Belgium goal at minute 90+3).
- If you are a defender, booting the ball way the hell to the other end of the pitch is always an acceptable option. Out the sideline is also acceptable. (“When in doubt, kick it out”).
The final score was 4-1 Belgium. Only 1 goal was deserved; the other 3 were trash play by the US Men’s National Team. Full high low-lights can be found here.
Julian Wise 