In which Our Hero reflects on unusual timelines.
People often ask me how I formed such an excellent relationship. (No one has asked me. But let’s assume.)
Here’s my process, in case it helps:
- Date her friend
- Have a threesome with her and another one of her friends (not the one you were dating)
- Let 10+ years pass
- An AI matchmaker pairs you
- Schedule a 3-day-long camping trip as your first date
- Extend date to 10 days long, ending only when one of you comes down with Covid
- Wait 2 weeks <cough, cough>
- As a second date, she moves into your van, and the two of you drive across the country together
- Attempt to purchase a house together in Puerto Rico within the first 6 months
- Backpack though Europe together
- Break up
- Attend clown school together in France
- Get back together
- Put down a deposit to buy an apartment
- Buy life insurance on each other
- Within one month:
- Make embryos
- Get engaged
- Buy apartment
We’ve got all the right steps, just not in the normal timeline. Maybe next we have kids before getting pregnant.
Julian Wise 