Tag: Love

Travel Log 191021 (Redacted Version)

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Start: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

End: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Ate 4 cans of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup. 
  • Ate a handful of Lindor Lindt White Chocolate Truffles. 
  • Sous vided steak for David & Stephanie. Muy delicioso!

Quotent Quotables: 

  • [NAUGHT!]

Real Realizations: 

  • Didn’t go farther than 0.5 miles from the house today. Drank red wine.
    • Both contribute to my sadness this evening. 
  • [Redacted] got steak lodged in his esophagus. That’s 3 major dangerous events in my life involving people eating too large pieces of steak. Clearly it fucking happens. CUT YOUR STEAK SMALL, PEOPLE!

Exciting Events: 

  • Renegotiated the [redacted] deal. Now get [redacted] & the equivalent of [redacted] in equity. Feel fine about it. 
  • Worked on [redacted] for 2.25 hours. 
  • Completed an [redacted] chapter & sent it back. 
  • Defeated level 7 in Hogwarts Battle. KILLIN’ IT! 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Halloween in New Orleans! 
  • [Redacted]’s birthday party in St Louis. Should be OFF THE HIZZOUSE. 
  • Writing a response letter to [redacted]. I miss her. 

Travel Log 191019 (Redacted Version)

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Start: [Redacted], Austin TX. 

End: [Redacted], Pflugerville, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Bought 10 cans of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup. Ate 4 today, cold, straight out of the can. 
  • Domino’s Pizza for dinner. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “I think everyone’s more of a jerk when they’re sick. If you’re a genuinely good person when you’re sick, then there’s something wrong with you.” -[redacted]

Real Realizations: 

  • Having a place to use as home base matters. 
  • Living in a temperature-controlled house matters. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Made [redacted] for the first time in ~6 months. He doesn’t typically [redacted], esp not [redacted]. 
    • [Redacted]  
  • Woke up with a sore throat. Wasn’t sure if it was illness or just tired muscles from too much [redacted]. 
  • Negotiated [redacted] with [redacted]. [Redacted].
  • Played Hogwarts Battle with [redacted]. Fun game. I like co-ops. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • A relaxing day tomorrow. 

Travel Log 191018 (Redacted Version)

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Start: [Redacted]’s house, South Austin, TX

End: [Redacted]’s [redacted], [redacted], Austin TX. 

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Sous vided two steaks for [redacted] and myself; seared it at the end. Was DELISH. 

Quotent Quotables: 

  • “I can’t even spell API.” – Me, making a joke after someone asks if I can help them get an API key. 
  • “Your bathroom does a great job of making people uncomfortable while they pee.” -Me, to [redacted]. 

Real Realizations: 

  • While scritching & belly-rubbing Simba ([redacted]’s cat) and sitting between him & Smidge, the feeling that I’m precisely where I’m supposed to be. 

Exciting Events: 

  • [Redacted] with [redacted]. [Redacted] fun. She [redacted]. Feels like I won. 
    • [Redacted]. I don’t mind, hey 🙂  
  • Worked on [redacted] for 2+ hours. Tried to get in touch with [redacted], presumably to discuss [redacted]. 
    • Decided my strategy in that conversation: 
      • 1. [Redacted]. Ask if we can re-approach [redacted] in the next quarter [redacted]. 
      • 2. [Redacted] in a graduated fashion. [Redacted]. 
      • 3. [Redacted]
  • Cuddled with [redacted]. It gave me the feels. 
    • Probably the first time someone’s asked me. “Can I kiss you?”. It was ADORABLE. Really cute. Loved it. 
    • Kissed [redacted] back, our second time. Felt too much, like [redacted] felt uncomfortable being not-in-control. If we kiss again, I’ll make sure [redacted] feels safe. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • Yard sale tomorrow? I LOVE yard sales! 

Travel Log 191016 (Redacted Version)

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Start: Outside E Bar Tex-Mex Restaurant, Dallas, TX 

End: Guest Room in [redacted]’s house, Austin, TX

Delicious Delectables: 

  • Shared my moscato with [redacted]. 

Real Realizations: 

  • Sex with complicated people is, well, complicated. 
  • You can live like a king in the outskirts of Austin (two-story house, 4 bedrooms, hot tub with a projector) for the same price as a solo studio apartment in San Francisco. 

Exciting Events: 

  • Walked Smidge through Dallas. Got lost, got directions from a helpful guy outside a convenience store. 
  • Hot tubbed with [redacted]. 
  • Arrived to Austin. 
  • Called the three groups I want to meet in Austin: 
    • [Redacted]
    • [Redacted]
    • [Redacted]
  • Called dad, told him about the burn and that I plan to [redacted]. He said, “be safe, whatever that means.” 
  • Called [redacted], told her stories about the burn. 
  • Spoke with [redacted] about his relationships & his life. 
  • Called [redacted]; she’s [redacted], not super happy with her life. 

Alluring Activities: 

  • [Redacted] tomorrow? 

The Fiercest Chihuahua You’ve Ever Met

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In this corner, at five-pound-four and thirty inches long, she’s the fiercest chihuahua you’ve ever met. She defends her food with the courage of a Rottweiler. She’s a fierce mama bear with six gnawed nipples to prove it. She marks giants’ territory as her own and likes her scritches… ruff.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen…

 

 

 

 

The one and only…

 

 

 

 

 

Smidge

IMG_7309

 

Want more Smidge? Comment with a request. 

You Little Pisser!

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My dog peed on my bed. Twice. Once was after our first vet visit. I didn’t immediately take her to pee. That’s obviously stressful for a dog. I take the blame. The second was tonight, after I returned from a therapy appointment. She waited to pee until I returned. Good doggy. I drove to Walgreens to buy nailclippers, before finding us a parking spot and carrying her to my bed. That’s when she peed.

Did she whimper at me just after I parked? Did she struggle when I carried her to the bed? Was she indicating her pee-ful-ness? In short, is it my fault? 

It must be. Or, at least, my responsibility. When did she last pee? Around 7pm. It’s now 11. Is that too long? How long between pees? How does dog pee work? Halp me google: HOW WORK DOG PEE?

We haven’t established pee-based communication. I don’t have a solid read on her piddle-timing. I lack a feel for her whimpers.

Experts say to avoid punishing dogs. Reward desirable behaviors; punishments don’t help. I shall implement this. It’s nice to know the ethics and psychology align.

I would more effectively learn to take her outside if she rewarded me when I succeeded–via a treat of some kind, say–instead of punishing me–via bed pees–when I don’t.

 

(Post-script addendum: It’s now nearly 1am. I’m so glad to have a cuddlebuddy. All is forgiven. We’ll do better next time.)

I asked her out, hoping she’d say no.

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I asked her out, hoping she’d say no. Well, not hoping beforehand, but I was happier after her rejection than I would have been otherwise.

We were in the grocery store. She inspected a can of Campbell’s soup. She replaced the can it back and grabbed another. I asked, “Good read?”

“Not really,” she said.

I asked what she was looking for.

“Sugar,” she said. “It’s in everything.”

“Why?”

“I gave it up for Lent.”

“Do you always give something up for lent?”

“Yeah, it’s like a second shot at a New Year’s Resolution.”

I asked if she’d enjoy grabbing coffee. She said she has a boyfriend, “but it’s still nice to talk in the grocery store.”

Walking away, I celebrated. I hadn’t asked her out because I wanted to go on a date with her. I had asked her out because I decided to start dating again. Asking someone out is uncomfortable, so you’ve gotta hurdle it at your first opportunity.

Thanks, Dad, for an incredible day.

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Thanks, Dad, for an incredible day. More connected with you than I’ve felt in memory. Your stories that weaved from place to place—about which I sometimes ask, “what was the point?”—today, the sharing was the point. Maybe that’s always true.

 

Am I focusing on the present because I’m having intensive surgery on Monday?

Could be…

Possibly…

Probably.

 

Right now, I’m afraid. Not of death, but life:

  • What if improving my breathing isn’t miraculous?
  • What if I fail?
  • What if I die?

Death I can deal with. It’s failure that’s unacceptable.

 

I’m donating my tomorrow to high school kids. Teaching, mentoring, engrossed in giving.

 

When I could die at any moment, why do I hop stepping stones?

  • “But Kid, the best stepping-stones are rock and their own right.”

 

I didn’t think about any of that today. Just talked with you, Dad. And I loved it.

It’s Good to be Disliked, A Manifesto.

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I probably don’t like you. You’re welcome.* (*: Not sarcastic.)

My fourth-grade classroom restricted its students to bringing identical Valentine’s Day cards for everyone or no cards at all. I found this a problem, as most of my classmates were bland blobs, while a vocal minority were… [people I didn’t like].

Only this year—at age 25—did I finally realize I can choose my friends. Four of my friendships ended this year, and I’m glad they did.

An ex ended our friendship—my first official ending—in July, followed by an old poker buddy in August. I ended one in October—my first initiation—and a different ex ended our friendship on Monday. Every one of these has been a wonderful change, with benefits extending far beyond free time.

It’s common knowledge—and I find it experientially true—that you “can’t please all the people all the time.” Apply that to relationships: Some people won’t like you. Turn that around: You won’t like some people. 

Ending a friendship is therefore an act of integrity. It forwards your values. It makes manifest your soul.

You prioritize your family. You care about your friends. Most people choose a partner to prefer over all others. Having preferences is Good. It’s the foundation of consciousness. 

All my friends have former, now-dead friendships. Most drift apart instead of going out with a bang, but both seem to happen surprisingly often. People grow and change. Friendships die. We can still love what was.

You can hate some people and everything they stand for. You can love with abandon those you prefer. You can express your soul. If someone doesn’t like you, good for them.